Saturday, August 15, 2009

Vacation

I love water...
Which is why Anthony and I decided to go to Sandy Cove for vacation this year. He really loves water too. Sandy Cove is a nice little retreat center right on the Chesapeake Bay. It is just beautiful!
They had a pier on the Bay and I couldn't stop taking pictures of it. It was as if I lost total conrol of my hand and all it wanted to do was click click click. So here are some of the pics I got....

...with all my love for water, it would probably be quite surprising to know that I have no idea how to swim...

So the whole time I was away I didn't set foot in the water, silly, I know... I will learn one day. But for now I am content with sitting by the bay watching the tides roll away- corny, lol...



It's relaxing either way



i wanna go back...

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Changed...


I spoke to a friend from high school.. A friend from back in the days. Days I've long forgotten. After talking to her, I've come to realize in a much deeper way what Jesus saved me from. This girl and me used to be best friends, we would talk about everything and now I could see we are on two totally different paths. She is where I was 7 years ago and I am where I am because of the grace of God. As I listened to her talk the Lord showed me what he brought me out of- a life of selfishness, lust and emptiness. The craziest part of the conversation was that she kept saying, I can't believe you married a Christian guy! I kept thinking to myself, I thought I was Christian when we were friends, why is this such a surprise, but my life did not reflect Christ in any way. My heart was far from God, the things of God were a bore to me, I hated God, I loved myself, I hated people and thought that was ok, I cared only for my own happiness and all the while I would get more and more depressed seeking satisfaction in everything but Him. It was only the wonderful grace of God that gradually opened my eyes to see my sick soul and softened my heart to receive the beauty of the gospel. It changed me totally.. I am just still amazed by my conversation because I thought I knew what he saved me from, but today- today it's real to me... he truly saved me from the pit and out of the miry clay i threw myself in, without him reaching out and pursuing me, i would have never sought him... My heart was opposed to God, even though I was raised in a Christian family, I knew the right things and tried to do them (whenever I felt like it), but it was all fake- Jesus chose to save me!! 

 
Amazing love how can it be that my God would die for me! 
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Work is dead

I decided to read Romans today. It was by far the most encouraging thing I've read in a while because it affirms what I have been learning lately: I am not righteous, the law only shows me that I can't do it, not that I can muster up some goodness in me- there is none. ( I will be honest and let you know I feel strange saying this because I've deceived myself for so long into thinking that I am kind of good)

Well anyway, I was reading and was encouraged at how the only work that the gospel commands me to do is believe in Jesus, "Then they said to him, what must we do, to be doing the work of God? Jesus answered them, This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent. John 6:28-29"

That's it???

Well to actually put this into practice is quite humbling. The simplicity of it makes it humbling.

For example, when I don't get my way and I feel out of control I get extremely angry- it's sick. Before I came to understand the true beauty of the gospel, I would be terribly frightened by my sinful anger (and figured God was frightened too) and would deceive myself into thinking that I was a nice person and I would try really hard to be nice because I knew the Law commanded me not to be angry when I don't get my way but to think of others more than myself. I tried and tried and tried, sometimes I would do well (according to my standards) other times not so well, I would ask God for forgiveness and continue on trying with all the goodness I could find within me. Needless to say this is very exhausting and the gospel is not found in this at all. Jesus is not even a part of the process except for when I make a mistake and I need forgiveness but after I receive my penance I continue on with my self righteousness in hopes that it will please God.

The Lord has been showing me that my whole view of Christianity was more like the Muslim religion. I have a good muslim friend and when I told her that God is too holy for me to try to please him with my works, she told me, 'just try."

I think many Christians don't realize what happened for them at the cross, we no longer have to work to please God, we are free to have faith in the righteousness that Christ imparted to us because he already lived the perfect life and so now instead of us trying oh so hard to be good, we can rely on His goodness.

"And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness." Romans 4:5

So what does this actually look like?

Like I said I am a control freak, I like things my way or no way. I have come to find this out when I get angry. Two nights ago I found myself getting very angry because I was ready for bed and Anthony was not. I like for us to go to bed at the same time. Well needless to say he was not ready for bed, he had stuff to work on. I was livid- just like that. I wanted him to stop everything he was doing and report to bed immediately. He didn't, he had to finish what he was doing. I went into the bedroom and was extremely angry, thinking all kinds of thoughts, I think in that moment I might have hated him, for something as silly as that, I know but I have a sin problem. Anyway, I started to pray because I knew I was a mess, I let God see all the awful thoughts I was thinking and then I just told him I don't know how to not be mad, I'm so mad, please help me to be gracious, I am not gracious. The verse of don't let the sun come down on your wrath came into my head, but I went to bed anyway. Anthony came to bed a few moments later and to my surprise I didn’t yell at him or try to make him feel guilty, I was gracious to him. I will admit to you I did not muster up some grace somewhere in me because I honestly had NO GRACE! I was livid, but thanks be to God who helps me and imparts to me righteousness not of my own but of Christ. Here's what Paul has to say about his struggle: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. "Believing that Jesus will help you do good things takes a lot of faith, it is easier to try to do it yourself. To wait on God to do good things through you is not as simply as it sounds, it takes prayer and reliance on God. It takes admitting you are sinful, and that there is no goodness in you- but you know who is good and you look to Him :)

My reason for this post is to remind us Chrisitans that we have a Savior, a gracious God who helps in the time of need. I also want to challenge the Christians that believe they need to work to please God yes I know the book of James talks about works but those works flow from you as your rely on Christ's righteousness any other works would be some other religion, it would be Islam.

"Since we have been justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:1-2

The distinction between Christianity and any other belief is that we don't have to work to please God. It has already been done, every belief realizes that we do owe God something, we sin and it displeases him, no other belief gives an answer to how to please a HOLY GOD, except Christianity. Jesus being fully God and fully man paid the price for sin, Jesus is that answer to how to please God and I really hope for myself and every other Christian that we realize and never forget we were and are continually saved by grace through faith not of our own doing, it is a gift of God, not a result of our works, so that none of us can boast. Please remember that we have a wonderful Gospel!

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Spring is here!!

I got a new camera, the Canon XTI!!!  Anthony, his dad and I went to the park on Sunday to take some pics of the beginnings of spring. Unfortunately my camera died almost immediately, but I did get a few good pics.  The last pic is my absolute favorite. It's a pic of Anthony and his dad. His dad has been hanging out with us almost every week and has been coming to church. It's so amazing to see God redeem Anthony's relationship with his dad!! It makes me smile.






I love spring 

and

the newness it brings.
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Sunday, January 11, 2009

Wanna Be


I'm such a wanna be.

I so wanna be a photographer lol

Anthony and I go to Barne's and Noble all the time and if you want to know where to find me just check out the photography section... I love looking at a good photo... I want to learn to take a good photo... 

My dilemma...

I think wayyyyy too much.

In almost every book I've read about photography, the number one instruction is to just take pics... don't think, just click... 

Too bad this is almost impossible for me to do...  I am so consumed with how the picture will turn out that I wont take any at all... How dumb, I know.. lol

But I was talking to a good friend today and she asked me what is one of my hopes and fears for the new year... I told her my hope is to allow myself to be creative- I love creativity... I just wont allow myself to be...

I am so glad for my husband, he is truly creative, he doesn't spend too much time thinking... he just does stuff.. I can learn a lot from him...




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Saturday, November 22, 2008

Not so good... but good

... this week was an ultimate failure, lol... I did not wake up early one day, sadly I woke up later this week than any other.  

Strange.

Despite my failure, I learned that I cannot do anything pleasing to God in my own strength, which is really what I was trying to do.

I also learned that I have a problem with trying things that are challenging... So if I feel like I wont do it well, I wont want to do it all...  forgetting that God's power is perfected in my weakness.  

So prideful, I am...  

Well anyways, I woke up this morning very discouraged and found myself on Carolyn Mahaney's blog.  I came across this quote in my wandering around her site; it was most encouraging in the midst of my failure, its good to know that God expects me to do one thing and only one thing, to depend on him, moment by moment to please Him... 

"Yet the duties God requires of us are not in proportion to the strength we possess in ourselves.  Rather, they are proportional to the resources available to us in Christ. We do not have the ability in ourselves to accomplish the least of God's tasks. This is a law of grace.  When we recognize it is impossible for us to perform a duty in our own strength, we will discover the secret of its accomplishment.  But alas, this is a secret we often fail to discover."


There is always something new to learn, always... 
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